The beach called to us and we
went to lie on its forever relaxing sands. At that moment there was not a
thread of hate or resentment in my heart, and at first I didn't realize it. A
weight had fallen off my chest and for today it remained unnoticed. Our last
day in Grand Bend was spent care free and euphoric, without worries or remorse;
even regret from last nights events. I was okay with everything that happened
the night before and felt a little lighter. I had a bounce in my step and was
suddenly happy, which was something I don’t think I've felt in awhile.
We smoked the last cigar as we
bathed in the sunlight and didn't bother speaking of last nights events, for there was no need. We both knew and saw what last night contained, an
unspeakable bond we had just knowing. Even when the sun went down and we
finally decide to leave, we chose to embrace the weekend we had but remain
indifferent about the choices that had been made.
On the ride home, as the sun
dipped down behind the miles of plains that surrounded us, Emily joked about the
little things that now, being away from Grand Bend, were so pointless to admit.
“Some healthy lifestyle you had,
eh?” she said. “Fried food, smoking cigars, drinking a case everyday.”
“Hey, man, May 2-4 only happens
once a year. So if I get once a year to be that unhealthy, then I’m going to
take it.”
As the miles flew by, little bits
of pain and hate that I held onto slipped through my fingers. My chest swelled
then, not with air, but with excitement. I had finally stepped into Fun
Culture, and not only did I love it, I embraced it. I felt powerful with this
new feeling and when I realized it was me, moving on from hating and being
resentful, I felt pounds lighter. What had I been missing out on? This control
I felt to do whatever I wanted, felt great. I was free from demand, and hey, I
only had until the end of summer to do whatever I wanted.
Knowing I was leaving made it
that much more awesome. The fact that my life back home had an expiry date,
made it seem limitless. What could I do first? I had met some pretty cool
people this weekend, and I could maybe meet more, test the waters. Dante seemed
to be already apart of Fun Culture so maybe he could show me the ropes, allow
me to understand the concept of ‘no strings attached’. He seemed balanced in a
way where he already knew the lifestyle, hopefully though, he wasn't tired of
it.
I had to watch myself and teach
myself to not get emotionally attached. Deep down though, I felt something with
Dante. Yet, knowing I was leaving and moving miles away, made this feeling feel
foreign. It was different, to like someone, but know you still had freedom to
do whatever. Could I really accomplished something like that? Develop more than
one fun boy toy, and be one of those girls that are always complaining about
their relationship saying, “I just don’t feel like being in one.”
To me, that concept was weird
because if you liked someone, then just be with them. In my case, no matter
what, I could never be with someone because I wanted to finally have my own
life to live. To not put my life on the back burner for some boy and wait for
them to move forward before I could move along with my life.
Nope.
Not anymore. I could do whatever
the fuck I wanted, and if it meant Fun, then I was going to have a lot of fun
this summer.
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