Rock Bottoms

It was the night before Grand Bend, when I had decided to go out with a few friends for drinks. Being invited by these particular friends was a bit out of the blue since they were my Ex’s friends. Sure, I had known Jacob and Ryan for all four years that I was with my Ex, but never once had I really hung out with them, sat and had a conversation. The text message was strange, Jacob asking if I wanted to come out for drinks with him and his girlfriend, along with Ryan. I almost felt like they were trying to set me up with Ryan, which was something that was never going to happen. Only for the reason of my recovery mode which was still in process. Being cheated on takes a toll on you, a heavy one.

I was alright at this time and with Grand Bend the next morning, I figured, why not go out for a drink. Getting a little nervous, I parked and sat in my car for a moment. What if they invited my Ex? Maybe it was his idea and maybe he was actually going to apologize.

What was I doing to do about it either way? Cower and drive back home? You’ll never know unless you try and sometimes you got to charge into that dark cave head on to realize it’s a tunnel with a brighter side. 

            So, I get out and march my way to the bar and my Ex is no where in sight. Thank God. Bullet dodged and my heart can rest another day. My friends see me and wave me over, munching on peanuts. My feet crunch down on broken peanut shells as I take a seat with my friends. Mag, Jacob’s girlfriend smiles and hands me a drink menu.

            “Hey, Jessie, how’s everything?” asks Jacob, dressed like a farmer boy even though he’d was the farthest thing from it.

            “May 2-4 weekend! You guys got anything planned?” I ask them as I browse the drinks. I always look for a beer I haven’t tried, it was like a hobby.

            “Just working. I joined the Navy, eh?”

            “Really? When do you start that?” I finally find a beer and just then the waitress arrives to take our order. When she’s done, Jacob resumes the conversations.

            “I start next week. I’ll be gone in the summer for training if I pass everything,” Jacob reached around Mag’s chair and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “What are your plans for after University?”

            I paused. This was big news for me, plans that I had just decided on and had just started telling people. “I’m leaving, moving out to Vancouver to live with my brother.”

            “What?” Jacob seemed taken aback, even Ryan reacted. “When?”

            “The end of summer, figure I’ll party in Ontario one last time before I head out there.”

            “Are you going to fly?” asked Mag. She was the only one who appeared relaxed about it.

        “Derek and I are driving up together. He’ll be staying in Calgary and I’ll keeping heading to Vancouver. It’ll be a nice road trip, that’s for sure.”

            That was about all I was willing to tell them. This decision happened only a week ago when I had wished my brother Isaac a Happy Birthday. Then I sent him a message saying:

            “Help me get out of here.”

            Of course he had to know why and called me right away. See, a day or two prior to that message, I had gotten back in contact with my old friend, Max. We started catching up when he said, “Jessie, you’re too big for this place. You have big dreams and big aspiration and you ant going to find them in Windsor.”

            That’s when it hit me. I had been having strange feelings about Windsor, like I had gotten everything I can out of it. When I pictured myself moving forward and finding my own place, it never felt right when I’d look at houses or apartments. But when I had visited my brother last summer in BC, the minute I was back in Windsor, my heart pulled at me, wanting me to go back. When I pictured a life out there, that’s when my heart jump. Since I was single, I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted.

            When my brother had called me, we planned out everything, jobs, places to stay and a way to survive. I was finally getting out of this place, to do something for myself. I was no longer putting my life on the back burner for some guy, waiting for them to move forward in order to move ahead myself.

            “You know what would be funny?” Jacob suddenly announced, grinning like he had already told the joke. “If you go to Grand Bend this weekend and meet a guy. Would you still leave?”

            “Yeah right!” I let out a hard laugh. “I just became single. I want to enjoy this taste of freedom for the summer. Plus, no one’s stopping me from leaving this place. I have to leave.”

            “Have too?”

            Yes, I said to myself. Deep down, another reason driving me forward to leave behind my friends and family, the city I grew up in, was that I had to escape from my Ex. I could no longer stomach the fact that we were still leaving in the same city, let alone the chance of running into him. Windsor was two degrees of separation. If you went to a Tim Horton’s, there would be a 120% chance you’d run into someone you knew, whether you liked them or not.   

            I had to escape. And so did Derek, that’s why I had asked him if he wanted to go with me. We both went through the same thing with our Ex’s and we both wanted to drop everything and disappear. We were pulling a Lion King, running off to paradise because to us, Windsor was decaying and pulling us into the destruction and doom of our own lives. We had to run, run away and never return. 

-Jessie